its true. hard work pays off. after a week of relentless preparation, success was made. the score two, and the feelings of accomplishment follows such accomplishment. but sometimes hard work isn't enough. sometimes, after all we do, after all we can do, or after all we COULD HAVE DONE, someone that seemed so invincible........... is suddenly gone. it is an overwhelming feeling of loss that we're often too shocked to even respond properly. but how can we respond? NONE OF US ON THIS GODFORSAKEN WORLD WOULDN'T AND COULDN'T KNOW A THING ABOUT THAT. Why is that we continue to live our lives on so normally, ignoring the tragedies of the past? Is it selfishness? Or is that bullshit excuse that, oh he would want us to be happy??? Yet at the same time, while i admire the few that have been torn apart by this loss, i ask, "can't you be torn apart without blatantly showing it?" This sounds horribly cruel, and it most definitely is. But the truth is if you're displaying your heart for the world to see, please DON'T answer the question, "how are you doing?" that is for true love ones, true friends. and if they are true, they won't really answer your question because while they're soul is dying on the inside, they're presentation is of composure.

As i sit here i wait for the ceremonies later in the day. we'll miss you so much. it has truly been a shocking loss that has almost as shockingly, taught us all a powerful lesson. while you're life wasn't worth a lesson, you have taught us how to appreciate each other. maybe one day we will finally understand the reasons for our loss and until that day we miss you so much. purify the colors, purify my mind and spread the ashes of color over this heart of mine. rest in peace.