fake plastic trees/american beauty

hi. today, i write from my bed, which is monumental because i usually find myself intently glued to a computer screen with my back upright against a chair of some sort. while my body aches from these awkward position, i am still able to remain in it for hours. i know, its almost nauseating, it almost makes me as sick as it makes me bitter or remarkably depressed. i'm mixing things up today.

sometimes i feel that all of these poorly crafted blogs will all sound the same old shit that we have been contemplating for years. i am almost positive that i was, and will not be the first to talk about abstract subjects and things that are not really that abstract. it must have been nice to be the first though.

by all means, if i had the choice i would make this blog a bit less of a bitchfest, or actually much more coherent of consistent, or whatever that means, but i guess we've been playing this game for ages.

today, i watched a movie, putting me in a familiar, yet unfamiliar state of mind. its like i've been in these moods before (as evident throughout my blogs), but each time is different and was trigged by something unique.......... Movies are only for entertainment...........sure, emotions rise and tears fill up after will smith cries in the pursuit of happiness, but after we leave the theater, its back to drive throughs and unauthentic Chinese food where we'll be back to our computer screens or sofa coaches, pursuing happiness. i'm just an average suburbanite that dies. ..........do you ever feel like you don't exist? not in a literal sense, but like nothing seems to have a positive or negative effect on you. is it apathy? or is it emotion? no, this isn't rhetorical.....here i am in bed, typing away what i can't seem to articulate. maybe its when we can no longer articulate emotion we end up with a lack of emotion. its actually not that strange that i care. there is so much beauty in the world, and its killing me. but i have to ignore it so i can function. it wears me out.