in the way she breathes

i need to clear my head. confusion and burden is plaguing my mind and i miss having that gentle, yet powerful drive to play music. its as if i can feel the purity of this feeling as i write...the sounds of the pick sweeping across the strings, the soft screech of a sliding hand, and the ever-so-often buzz of the strings touching the fretboard's rosewood. its all warmth. sometimes its difficult to express emotions and i often find it even more difficult to articulate what i mean to say. that is, i am too confused to know any path of action to take because i am far too overwhelmed with emotions of frustration, sadness, and love. these are the things that need to be put in song. the things that we can't express, the things that make us want to sing and scream and die and live. after all, this is what makes a song beautiful. how else can our hearts be broken? i miss doing this. i miss making the thing that i love the most. its depressing to see that the notebook my sister got me at the start of the school year to be nearly blank, and its even more depressing that i don't know where it is. interestingly enough, this lack of music, this lack of life has coincided with all the confusion and all the burdens that i have made in the past year or so. its a movie without a soundtrack. no climax and with no end. the sounds of indescribable, unarticulated emotion is all but absent. i don't want to lose her.